Dedicated to my city, Detroit! I refuse to believe that we are a part of a lost generation.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
A Parent's Pact
I am not sure if this was God speaking to me, or my mother whispering in my ear, but I feel really supported right now. After all the lies, the people using and preying on my sister and I, and after years of trying to separate the "real" from the "fake", I think I finally get "it". I have realized that I have issues, especially when it comes to trust. As encouraged by my mother, I don't trust people as far as I can throw them, not family, not friends, and definitely not strangers.
My entire life, it has been just my mother, my sister and I living together. Growing up, all my "family" in Detroit was really my church-family, and all my blood-kin was out of town. I loved going out of town to visit, it's nothing like being around your family and people going "you just just like such-and-such" or going to Chicago and all of my cousin's friends mistaking me for her because we resembled each other so well. However, when I returned back to Detroit, I would feel alone because I wasn't really around people who looked and sounded like me. It was always difficult for me to define "family" because it wasn't always necessarily my blood-relatives I was around, but the family God placed in our lives.
The title of this post is "A Parent's Pact" and I could compare it to similar pacts groups of friends/families make. Even though I do not have proof, I feel deep down in my heart that my momma made a pact with her cousins and some of my church family, and I believe she asked them to take care of me and my sister if anything happened to her. This may have been when we were younger since she was a single parent, however I believe they are still holding to their pact even today. To be 24 years old and an adult for approximately 6 years, I actually feel like I have real family that care about me, look out for me, and are genuinely happy for my success! I think she agreed to do the same for our other cousins and I know that she would. However, it really touches my heart to be surrounded by real family that is bonded together by blood and also by love.
My entire life, it has been just my mother, my sister and I living together. Growing up, all my "family" in Detroit was really my church-family, and all my blood-kin was out of town. I loved going out of town to visit, it's nothing like being around your family and people going "you just just like such-and-such" or going to Chicago and all of my cousin's friends mistaking me for her because we resembled each other so well. However, when I returned back to Detroit, I would feel alone because I wasn't really around people who looked and sounded like me. It was always difficult for me to define "family" because it wasn't always necessarily my blood-relatives I was around, but the family God placed in our lives.
The title of this post is "A Parent's Pact" and I could compare it to similar pacts groups of friends/families make. Even though I do not have proof, I feel deep down in my heart that my momma made a pact with her cousins and some of my church family, and I believe she asked them to take care of me and my sister if anything happened to her. This may have been when we were younger since she was a single parent, however I believe they are still holding to their pact even today. To be 24 years old and an adult for approximately 6 years, I actually feel like I have real family that care about me, look out for me, and are genuinely happy for my success! I think she agreed to do the same for our other cousins and I know that she would. However, it really touches my heart to be surrounded by real family that is bonded together by blood and also by love.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Can Men and Women really be "Friends"?
Can heterosexual men and women really be just "friends"? Many have answered this question and most people reply "no". As I dive deeper into this topic, let me first introduce you to a couple guys in my life:
Above are pictures of myself and three of my close male friends, (top) Jersey, (middle) Ceej, (lower) Kasey P. I met all of these fine gentlemen while in college at BGSU. I met Jersey the first week of my freshman year, Ceej, my Junior year, and Kasey my 2nd senior year. They have all served in big brother roles since I've met them and we have always had each other's backs... I am (and my friends are) Ride or Die! They are great men; very intelligent, goal-oriented and Black men on a mission to achieve greatness.
We have never ever kissed, touched, rubbed, flirted, none of that and I am 98.72% sure that we never will in this lifetime. I know most people probably say "eventually, one of them will catch feelings and want to take the friendship to another level" or "that's my 'best friend/brother' which 89.4% of the time translates to an F- buddy" when thinking of heterosexual men and women being "just friends". Such statements are true, but I'm here to break the mold.
Based on empirical evidence (mainly from myself), heterosexual men and women CAN be "just friends". Thinking about it in a different context, men and women can be friends, strictly platonic, however the real question is "how long can heterosexual men and women be friends?"
I say this because ideally, we would get married and our friendships would have to change. Disregarding the notion that men and women cannot be "just friends" and movies like Brown Sugar, Love and Basketball, even in situations where both parties are secure, opposite sex friendships must alter out of respect to the other partner. The opposite sex "best friend"has to go or fall back once the relationship thickens. Once we are married, our spouses our to be our best friends of the opposite sex. If me and my boyfriend/husband get into a fight, it's ok for him to call and vent to Keith and go to his house to blow off steam. However, I tell you now, i'll be DAMNED if he goes to his bff Kesha's house to blow steam and to vent after a fight. Hell to the no! I don't care if yall went to preschool together and had the same babysitter for 16 years, that is not ok! (wait, Tasha Mack came out)
Seeing as I have more male friends than female friends, I have taken it upon myself to set clear boundaries with them, out of respect to their girl. I love my male friends, but as a woman, I won't call after 10pm unless it's an emergency, always speak to their girl when she's in the room over the phone or in person, and be cognizant of the advice I give them. With the shift in friendship dynamics in regards to gender, it seems opposite-sex friendships are newly forming, however, until clear boundaries are established, it will be difficult for heterosexual men and women to be "just friends" for long.
Above are pictures of myself and three of my close male friends, (top) Jersey, (middle) Ceej, (lower) Kasey P. I met all of these fine gentlemen while in college at BGSU. I met Jersey the first week of my freshman year, Ceej, my Junior year, and Kasey my 2nd senior year. They have all served in big brother roles since I've met them and we have always had each other's backs... I am (and my friends are) Ride or Die! They are great men; very intelligent, goal-oriented and Black men on a mission to achieve greatness.
We have never ever kissed, touched, rubbed, flirted, none of that and I am 98.72% sure that we never will in this lifetime. I know most people probably say "eventually, one of them will catch feelings and want to take the friendship to another level" or "that's my 'best friend/brother' which 89.4% of the time translates to an F- buddy" when thinking of heterosexual men and women being "just friends". Such statements are true, but I'm here to break the mold.
Based on empirical evidence (mainly from myself), heterosexual men and women CAN be "just friends". Thinking about it in a different context, men and women can be friends, strictly platonic, however the real question is "how long can heterosexual men and women be friends?"
I say this because ideally, we would get married and our friendships would have to change. Disregarding the notion that men and women cannot be "just friends" and movies like Brown Sugar, Love and Basketball, even in situations where both parties are secure, opposite sex friendships must alter out of respect to the other partner. The opposite sex "best friend"has to go or fall back once the relationship thickens. Once we are married, our spouses our to be our best friends of the opposite sex. If me and my boyfriend/husband get into a fight, it's ok for him to call and vent to Keith and go to his house to blow off steam. However, I tell you now, i'll be DAMNED if he goes to his bff Kesha's house to blow steam and to vent after a fight. Hell to the no! I don't care if yall went to preschool together and had the same babysitter for 16 years, that is not ok! (wait, Tasha Mack came out)
Seeing as I have more male friends than female friends, I have taken it upon myself to set clear boundaries with them, out of respect to their girl. I love my male friends, but as a woman, I won't call after 10pm unless it's an emergency, always speak to their girl when she's in the room over the phone or in person, and be cognizant of the advice I give them. With the shift in friendship dynamics in regards to gender, it seems opposite-sex friendships are newly forming, however, until clear boundaries are established, it will be difficult for heterosexual men and women to be "just friends" for long.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Detroit State of Mind
I'm been working on another post that's been taking up most of my time, but I wanted to take the time to share this.
A lot of people look at Detroit and have this negative and fearful perception of the City. People think the youth are hopeless and the city is chaotic. This video warms my heart as a Detroit native because I am excited for the future of these bright students. We don't need pity, we need resources and support. We're Detroit-made, and that means we know how to survive!
A lot of people look at Detroit and have this negative and fearful perception of the City. People think the youth are hopeless and the city is chaotic. This video warms my heart as a Detroit native because I am excited for the future of these bright students. We don't need pity, we need resources and support. We're Detroit-made, and that means we know how to survive!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Looking back...
Looking back, 2007 was a very stressful time for me. I would even go as far to say I was at the brink of depression, especially during the summer. I believe 2007 was the turning point in my college career; new group of friends, changing identity, new career path, but still mourning. I was in a very dark place in the spring and summer of '07 and it left me feeling some kind of way when reminiscing.
Today, I was able to find a few of the poems I wrote during those stressful times, that acted as my encouragement and a reminder that God still had not left me. Read below.....
Today, I was able to find a few of the poems I wrote during those stressful times, that acted as my encouragement and a reminder that God still had not left me. Read below.....
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